Where the hell have you been???

That's right, Gentle Reader. I've been gone for a while. While gone tons of things have happened. Some are important (both kids had birthdays, I actually started making money at my job; took a trip to OH/KY where I had a lot of fun and also made some changes. Some were not my decisions alone, but some were definetely for my benefit. One of these things is that I've decided to start running. Its my goal to run a 5K by Christmas and run a 1/2 marathon by this time next year. I'm even going to make it a charity event. I'm going to call it Phat Guy for Phi Psi. Every donation is going to go to the Carlos Navarro Scholarship Fund. MY goal is to try and raise 5K for the marathon. I also plan to make a fair amount of money from people betting against me. I love when people try and steal your thunder and try and tell you what you can't do. It's times like this where people show themselves as yiour friend or your adversary. I'm not going to let them get in the way of my life. I've started training, slowly, by running and riding my bike to build up my endurance. My next step is to get into a training program and really get after it. I want this to be a catalyst for change. I know some of you are asking, "why now?" Well, the short answer is someone very dear to me sent me a quote from, of all people, Drew Carey. The funnyman was asked why he started running to lose weight. He said that you can't just go on trying to get to a pants size as a motivator - you need to set goals and bust through them. I was that guy, I was trying to simply set as a goal to make it so I could buy a pair of chinos at the GAP - That's a crappy goal. For one, the GAP isn't cool anymore, and 2) I needed more. I figure that if I make this happen, I'll raise some money, lose a bunch of weight, laugh at folks trying to serve me haterade and also have some fun in thr process. I'll try and write at least twice a week, and talk to you about my running and other things that cross my desk. Until then...
-- "Make no little plans...they do nothing to stir mens blood."

Who will fill the breech?

As I was cleaning up my apartment (always fun with 2 kids under 6 under foot) I came across my Nametag from the 2010 GAC (my fraternity's convention). As I held it, my thoughts instantly went first to my friends and Brothers who are in AZ celebrating the life of our friend and Brother Dudley. I'm sure the service was grand in its simplicity and while there was, i'm sure crying, I'm also sure there was laughing. That's the kind of service that Dud would have wanted. The second thing that crossed my mind was this was the nametag of the last GAC Dud will ever attend bodily (he'll always be there in spirit, we know that). He signed it, as he's signed everyone of my nametags since 1992, in the same manner: Ralph D Daniel, AZ Alpha 1947 (let us be who we say we are...).

Think of the young undergradutes he touched when he met them the first time and gave them the grip (after he admonished them for altering it)that can go back and tell their Brothers - I met Dud. Think of our favorite game at the GAC Banquet where we stand to see who's been there the longest, and for the first time in my membership, Dud won't be there to win. Think of the people who will only know him as a quote - a quote he wrote, not to talk just about Phi Psi, but about all Fraternities - It's for us all.

You see, Dud, while he was first and foremost a Phi Psi, he was a FRATERNITY MAN. He believed firmly in the ideal of fraternity and what these men's and women's groups could do for their members and for their universities. One of the reasons that the interfraternity world saw him as "our" gentleman was his constant call for gentlemanly behavior and the idea that, while all of our Rituals might not be the same, they told the same story - be an honorable man, Love your friends, strive for excellence, and take care of each other.

This brings me to the title of my post today. Nature abhors a vacuum (unless its a Kirby-inside joke for my friend Momo) and so, as I write today, I wonder? Who will be the epedimy of fraternal gentlemanly behavior? Who will teach all of us, young and old, to always be considerate of our Brothers and Sisters, regardless of what letters they wear on their badge? Who will show our young men in Phi Kappa Psi? Luckily for us there are men that I know will fill in - Names of men that inspire me everyday, both as my peers and my mentors. Instantly I think of the pride of Kouts, IN...or my "Big Brother" who sings Oskee Wow-Wow. Perhaps the aforementioned Momo, or the scholar of Central Illinois, his hats and all. Perhaps its one of my favorite Cheeseheads, the historian or the preacher. Or maybe its my favorite southerner, who oozes charm and gentlemanly behavior.

In any case, while there will be a vacuum for a while, it won't be long before its filled. For that I'm eternally grateful, both to these men for being great men and to Dud for teaching us all.

Safe travels to all of my Brothers who made the trip to AZ and to all of my friends across the Fraternity and Sorority world, keep striving to make this world a better place.

Dad, Dr. King, Opie and Simba

As we come to the end of another day celebrating Dr King and his vision and legacy, I always think of my father. As I mentioned on these pages, my dad died on the 15th of January. What I don't often talk about was my father and his place in the Civil Rights movement. He was a contemporary of Dr. King in some ways. A Child of the South, born just before the Depression, someone who bore witness to Jim Crow overtly and subvertly, he elegantly, like so many others in this country, silently and quietly fought against discrimination at every turn. Dad didn't win a Nobel Prize for peace, but he showed that a peaceful way to your ends is always the right way to go. Dr. King used the bully pulpit as a leader (not the leader) of the Civil Rights movement. Dad decided to use the courts, like hundreds of others, to ensure equality for himself and his children. He's one of my biggest heroes.

My dad always taught me that, when it comes to race relations and dealing with the ignorance and small mindedness of people, it's better to be like a duck and let that hatred roll off of your back. With few exceptions, I've done just that. More importantly, it's my mission in life that I don't have to teach my children the same things I had to learn - it's my hope that my children are judged by their merits, that they, as bright and beautiful as they are, never have to come home and ask why someone called them nigger; that they can visit any of their friends and not have to worry about the car lights being broken or having to fight their way out of a neighborhood in this awesome amazing city; that the idea of DWB (driving while black) is an urban myth.

Keep the dream alive, if only so our Children can make the dream a reality.

Posted via email from Marc's posterous

Best and worst weekend all at once

This is why I Strive to be the best Fraternity man I can...He is who we all strive to be when we try to live our Creed. It's such a sad day for all of us that wear the Shield, and especially sad for those of us that call him Friend, Mentor, and Counselor.

I remember the first time I met him, in San Francisco at the 1992 GAC. I was a Colony member and it was my first GAC and I was as eager as a schoolboy getting his first bike. I was meeting as many people as I could and I met Dud. He walked up, saw my Colony pin (most don't know what it looks like) and gave me the Colony Grip, ever mindful that I was not ready to share in the bonds of Brotherhood. We talked and he gave me his address and told me to write if I ever needed anything.

My next most vivid time I recall meeting him occured at my Chartering. What made that special was that he met my father -my father who didn't want me to join a fraternity. After meeting Dud, Dad told me that he wasn't worried anymore, that I was in good hands because Dud was such a gentleman. That was the last big event my Dad and I went to together, as he was gone in less than 3 months (Jan 15)

I would see him more over the years at Fraternity events and new Chapter Charterings, each time me trying to learn more about the old days of Phi Psi, each time gleaning more about both Phi Kappa Psi and Dudley.

My last big memory of him comes from the day I was initated into the Order of the SC - He was the President, and for him to tell me I was a member was one of the most special days of my life. I'll never forget him giving me the grip and looking at me, and him telling me how happy he was that I was a member.

I've tried not to cry as I've written this post, but it's been hard. I will definetely raise a glass to Dud (vodka? a glass of chablis with ice? ) over the weekend

"Let us be who we say we are...a Fraternity not a Club; run by Men not boys, and based on Ideals not Expediency.

Dud, when you get to heaven, there will be a guy there, about 6 feet tall in an impeccable suit and a fedora. You'll feel you've met him, and you have. He's my dad. 17 years ago today he left us for a better place. He'll show you the way around the place. Tell him I said hi and I love him.