Raising the boy - raising the bar

Gentle Reader...

So last night I was having a conversation with my ex-wife (not to worry, we get along; our goal is to raise the best kids we can) where she told/asked me the following: "I don't know how to raise a boy...what do I do?"

I laughed, and told her firstly that WE have to raise a boy, and get him to manhood. I assured her that we would, along with help from all of the other grownups in his life. I then told her that we'll even turn him into a gentleman. We will give him manners, and refinement, and show him which fork to use and why he should get up from the table when a woman does.

I said something then, that I don't say often, but it rings with me all of the time. My parents used to say that my mom made me a man, but my father made me a gentleman. It was my mother who often yelled at me to stand up straight, to wash my face, to brush my teeth, brush my hair, and look presentable. It was she who would knock a hat or cap off of my head at the table (or anywhere indoors). It was she who would have popped me if my pants were sagging, or if I popped off at a grown up, because, contrary to popular opinion, men don't just pop off for no reason.

On the other hand, it was my Pop who ensured I was taught about style, and class, and gentlemanly behavior. He taught me about simple things that make a big difference, like why you should never wear a suit with unshined shoes,  the wonders of the pocket square, and why buying quality versus quantity (and buying versus renting in the tuxedo market) is the way to go. He referred to it as the extra 10%. He got that from esquire magazine (I think, but i never saw him read that magazine ever) , but I use it all of the time.

Its that 10% that I will use to raise the boy. My goal isn't like my fathers - his was to make Mini-Me - but to raise a son, a young man, that will carry on the DUMAS name with all of the prestige and swagger it deserves. If I can do that, we'll be OK.

Before I sign off today, know that we also worry about our daughter as well. Just she seems like she's going to be fine and we're just here to ensure the train doesn't fall off of the track.

Talk soon.

Marc...

p.s - In a total pivot, Congrats to my Chapter at DePaul with their new 16 man pledge class for the winter. Considering at one time, those were the sizes of our fall classes, we've come a long way. High! High! High!

The Inspector, Dr. King and me...

Gentle Reader,

So, yesterday was the anniversary of my Pop's passing. He left us in 1994, when I was all of 22. He was a contemporary of Dr. King; i'm not saying they were buddies or even knew each other (even though they had met) but they were both doing what they could for equal rights for all at the same time, just in different ways. If not for the things they were doing, from marching to filing suits against the unjust, to taking beatings at the hands of those who were sworn to protect them, I would be a very different person than I am today. 

If Dr. King doesn't push for the Civl Rights Act and the Voting Rights act, then Mr and Mrs Loving don't decide to get married and then get arrested and then have the temerity to sue the state of Virginia and take that all the way to the Supreme Court. If that doesn't happen, I can't go and marry a girl from Wisconsin who is as white as snow and have the 2 prettiest children you have ever seen (that's not the proud dad in me talking, TJ does have the greatest head of hair in America, and no one is cuter than my Opie, just ask her...)

If the Inspector, and my mother, doesn't decide that he's always going to show his son what it means to be not just a man, but a gentleman, then I wouldn't ever be able to be the fraternity man that I am. I wouldn't be able to start to show my children how to be a parent. I wouldn't know what to do to have any type of success in this world, but thanks to the Inspector, I do.

Thanks to them both. I know they are watching down on me and I hope they are happy with what they see, not just from me, but from all of us.

I miss you, Pop. Kiss Mom for me

Marc... 

Fighting frustrations - 60 days to a new me

Gentle Reader,

There is nothing like a string of bad luck to make you realize that certain things frustrate you easily. In my case it's 3 major things all coming together as the perfect storm of yuck! My weight loss, my car, and my job. As I look at them right now, all of them are sucking and driving me to the point of losing it. For those of you that know me, you know I'm pretty calm and collected; striving not to raise my voice and yell unless necessary. But KD is trying to tell me that maybe I need a release valve, maybe I need to get angry more and "stand up for myself."  So this is my start...

When it comes to the first week of weight loss, I've been pretty good. I've eaten breakfast everyday, I've been sensible about what I'm eating for lunch (no fast food, Yippee), I've been eating good dinners (thanks, KD for the pork chops and spinach) and I've been exercising (well, I've been walking to and from the L/commuting for work, but it's more than I was doing before so its a start. But its a struggle. I'm frustrated that I can't live on Gummy Bears, I'm frustrated that I can't drink more beer, and I'm frustrated with being fat.

I have to do something about it. It's not enough to just talk about it, I have to take action. Over the next 60 days, I'm going to figure out what exercise is going to take me to the next step in my journey. It might be boxing, it might be muay thai, it might be wrestling, it might be rowing, I have no idea yet, but its gonna be something.

Then there is my car. It must have been made under a bad sign or something, because since June, if it can go wrong it has. Let's review

Massive hail damage, including broken front and rear windshields
Brakes fail while on the road
blow out a tire
have a spin out on major expressway (hit the wall of the Dan Ryan)
bent a wheel
broke a tie rod and assembly

But, with the car, I have to look at the bright side. I have to thank God for Brothers like Mike Burrell and his wife, who loaned me the car when I didn't have a car to get to work and then sold it to me. I'm eternally grateful and he's shown me exactly what Brotherhood and membership in our Strong Band really means.

But I'm just frustrated. I hate taking the train (check that, a bus, a train, and then a drive or 2 more buses if  my buddy/work wife couldn't pick me up) and I hate not being able to get what I need, when I need it. I hate not being able to see my gf after work since by the time I get home and try to get to her on the other side of the city, i'd have to turn around right when I get there. I talk to her everyday, but I miss her.

On this over the next 60 days, i'm going to have the car fixed and ready to go. I'm saving to get a newer vechicle and i'm planning to make that happen by the end of the year

I'm not going to get into my job other than to say I'm angry and frsutrated and I'm going to take steps to make changes so I'm not worried about my next meal or if I can pay a bill. Watch out world.

See ya soon

Back on the blog - Phat Guy for Phi Psi!

Gentle Reader -

Sorry that I have been gone for so long. The world has been changing around me every day. One of my resolutions this 2012 is to write more...both about me and about things that make me who I am.

I've really decided to work on my weight. For those in the know, the name of this blog comes from the fact that, at one time, I was "One biscuit shy" of weighing in at 400lbs. Not good at all. Well, at least we're not there any more, but we still have a long way to go. I'm committed to losing the weight. I've started eating healthier, I've started to wean my self off of pop (or soda for your Easterners) and no more fast food (Opie isn't going to like that one). I'm starting weight watchers again, too. I've run in my first 5K (OK, let;s be real, "run" isn't honest - I finished and I shuffled, but I didn't run) where i dressed like Santa and I'm committed to running in a 1/2 marathon by the end of the year - training starts soon. Any and all help people want to give me (both positive and negative) is welcome. When I run that, I'm going to raise money for my fraternity, Phi Kappa Psi, specifically for the 2 chapters that I advise in Chicago. - More details to follow on that.

I'll be writing at least once a week about things that cross my radar, if not more if it warrants it.

See ya soon

Marc...

Where the hell have you been???

That's right, Gentle Reader. I've been gone for a while. While gone tons of things have happened. Some are important (both kids had birthdays, I actually started making money at my job; took a trip to OH/KY where I had a lot of fun and also made some changes. Some were not my decisions alone, but some were definetely for my benefit. One of these things is that I've decided to start running. Its my goal to run a 5K by Christmas and run a 1/2 marathon by this time next year. I'm even going to make it a charity event. I'm going to call it Phat Guy for Phi Psi. Every donation is going to go to the Carlos Navarro Scholarship Fund. MY goal is to try and raise 5K for the marathon. I also plan to make a fair amount of money from people betting against me. I love when people try and steal your thunder and try and tell you what you can't do. It's times like this where people show themselves as yiour friend or your adversary. I'm not going to let them get in the way of my life. I've started training, slowly, by running and riding my bike to build up my endurance. My next step is to get into a training program and really get after it. I want this to be a catalyst for change. I know some of you are asking, "why now?" Well, the short answer is someone very dear to me sent me a quote from, of all people, Drew Carey. The funnyman was asked why he started running to lose weight. He said that you can't just go on trying to get to a pants size as a motivator - you need to set goals and bust through them. I was that guy, I was trying to simply set as a goal to make it so I could buy a pair of chinos at the GAP - That's a crappy goal. For one, the GAP isn't cool anymore, and 2) I needed more. I figure that if I make this happen, I'll raise some money, lose a bunch of weight, laugh at folks trying to serve me haterade and also have some fun in thr process. I'll try and write at least twice a week, and talk to you about my running and other things that cross my desk. Until then...
-- "Make no little plans...they do nothing to stir mens blood."

Who will fill the breech?

As I was cleaning up my apartment (always fun with 2 kids under 6 under foot) I came across my Nametag from the 2010 GAC (my fraternity's convention). As I held it, my thoughts instantly went first to my friends and Brothers who are in AZ celebrating the life of our friend and Brother Dudley. I'm sure the service was grand in its simplicity and while there was, i'm sure crying, I'm also sure there was laughing. That's the kind of service that Dud would have wanted. The second thing that crossed my mind was this was the nametag of the last GAC Dud will ever attend bodily (he'll always be there in spirit, we know that). He signed it, as he's signed everyone of my nametags since 1992, in the same manner: Ralph D Daniel, AZ Alpha 1947 (let us be who we say we are...).

Think of the young undergradutes he touched when he met them the first time and gave them the grip (after he admonished them for altering it)that can go back and tell their Brothers - I met Dud. Think of our favorite game at the GAC Banquet where we stand to see who's been there the longest, and for the first time in my membership, Dud won't be there to win. Think of the people who will only know him as a quote - a quote he wrote, not to talk just about Phi Psi, but about all Fraternities - It's for us all.

You see, Dud, while he was first and foremost a Phi Psi, he was a FRATERNITY MAN. He believed firmly in the ideal of fraternity and what these men's and women's groups could do for their members and for their universities. One of the reasons that the interfraternity world saw him as "our" gentleman was his constant call for gentlemanly behavior and the idea that, while all of our Rituals might not be the same, they told the same story - be an honorable man, Love your friends, strive for excellence, and take care of each other.

This brings me to the title of my post today. Nature abhors a vacuum (unless its a Kirby-inside joke for my friend Momo) and so, as I write today, I wonder? Who will be the epedimy of fraternal gentlemanly behavior? Who will teach all of us, young and old, to always be considerate of our Brothers and Sisters, regardless of what letters they wear on their badge? Who will show our young men in Phi Kappa Psi? Luckily for us there are men that I know will fill in - Names of men that inspire me everyday, both as my peers and my mentors. Instantly I think of the pride of Kouts, IN...or my "Big Brother" who sings Oskee Wow-Wow. Perhaps the aforementioned Momo, or the scholar of Central Illinois, his hats and all. Perhaps its one of my favorite Cheeseheads, the historian or the preacher. Or maybe its my favorite southerner, who oozes charm and gentlemanly behavior.

In any case, while there will be a vacuum for a while, it won't be long before its filled. For that I'm eternally grateful, both to these men for being great men and to Dud for teaching us all.

Safe travels to all of my Brothers who made the trip to AZ and to all of my friends across the Fraternity and Sorority world, keep striving to make this world a better place.

Dad, Dr. King, Opie and Simba

As we come to the end of another day celebrating Dr King and his vision and legacy, I always think of my father. As I mentioned on these pages, my dad died on the 15th of January. What I don't often talk about was my father and his place in the Civil Rights movement. He was a contemporary of Dr. King in some ways. A Child of the South, born just before the Depression, someone who bore witness to Jim Crow overtly and subvertly, he elegantly, like so many others in this country, silently and quietly fought against discrimination at every turn. Dad didn't win a Nobel Prize for peace, but he showed that a peaceful way to your ends is always the right way to go. Dr. King used the bully pulpit as a leader (not the leader) of the Civil Rights movement. Dad decided to use the courts, like hundreds of others, to ensure equality for himself and his children. He's one of my biggest heroes.

My dad always taught me that, when it comes to race relations and dealing with the ignorance and small mindedness of people, it's better to be like a duck and let that hatred roll off of your back. With few exceptions, I've done just that. More importantly, it's my mission in life that I don't have to teach my children the same things I had to learn - it's my hope that my children are judged by their merits, that they, as bright and beautiful as they are, never have to come home and ask why someone called them nigger; that they can visit any of their friends and not have to worry about the car lights being broken or having to fight their way out of a neighborhood in this awesome amazing city; that the idea of DWB (driving while black) is an urban myth.

Keep the dream alive, if only so our Children can make the dream a reality.

Posted via email from Marc's posterous